I’m having this sort of epic mythic battle in my mind: my desire to be a hermit and latibulate vs. my aspiration to be a famous poet and go to book signings.
Part of me wants to start up new projects like podcasting on location, live with interviews and interactions. But then I realize I would have to interact with people and be responsible. As it is now I can cruise down Broadway any time I want, free as the wind. No place to go and location unknown.
As a published author I would have contractural obligations, I would be vulnerable to other people’s expectations. I would have to appear in the public mind. I would need an identity.
I’m thinking of ‘The Polar Express’. The movie. The most remarkable character was the hobo on the roof drinking hot coffee from a tin can. Well that’s besides the waiter, of course, who was Tom Hanks and the little boy who didn’t know if he believes in Christmas. Santa Claus doesn’t weigh in hardly at all as a memorable character. The hobo is who I remember. Kinda crazy and kinda dangerous but free as bird up on top of the train with his campfire going.
Van life is calling me - traveling to the Great Northwest or the equally great Northeast, the beach, the mountains, the desert but another part of me is comfortable in my happy house in my little neighborhood. A toilet that flushes and hot water that gushes out with the twist of a valve, a kitchen with a refrigerator and a stove, a bedroom with a bed and 2 cats who apparantly need my assistance to go in or out of the house.
My house sits on concrete pillars sunk into the ground so it doesn’t move at all, but then again, it doesn’t move. I can’t take it with me. Wind or flood can’t move it either, so that’s good. There are advantages to both, a house that moves with you and a house that stays in one place. I can imagine a time when having a house stuck in the ground was considered a great privilege. Before that they always moved around. Van life.
The other day I got up, took a hot shower, meditated for an hour or so in my comfortable chair, got on my bike and rolled out. My basic route usually takes me down New Braunfels to Austin Highway and down Austin Highway to Broadway and down Broadway all the way to downtown.
I stopped at the site of the old Rod East car dealership about half way down, next to Half Price Books. There were two women on the lot, talking, standing next to their cars so I rode up next to them and inquired as to the purpose of their conversation, or maybe it was a stupid joke so I could break into their conversation, I don’t remember now but they were tolerant. They were discussing possible uses of the lot and it’s ideal location on Broadway. Quite a spacious lot, by the way, with a few trees.
They seemed open to suggestions so I cranked up my Broadway story for them . . . and this was an ancient sacred pathway from the Springs, where Mother Nature herself lived to the rich alluvial valley downtown, where the San Pedro creek and San Antonio river almost come together. The pathway between those two enchanted places is represented by modern day Broadway. We have four bookstores, we have museums, parks, cafes and restaurants. It’s the premier boulevard of our fair city.’ And on and on I went for awhile. They seemed interested. We left on good terms.
Then I stopped by the Antiquarian Book Mart, which is basically next door, to visit Bob, the proprietor. He’s been running that place for 50 years. His bookstore is an old house with a labyrinth of rooms all lined with home made wooden book shelves and stuffed with thousands of used books on various subjects. The hand lettered signs above the entryway give you a clue. Poetry. History of Texas. Psychology. Religion. Fantasy.
We chatted for awhile, me and Bob, shot the breeze as he puts it, laughed out loud, joked, reminisced, told stories. I feel a kindred spirit with Bob, having been in the book business for so many years myself.
You commune with people you like and then that’s your community. I know but then sometimes you also end up with social responsibilities and expectations. That’s my dilemma. Not that Bob expects anything of me but they kinda go together.
I don’t know the answer. I’m good at making the waves, not too good at calming them down.
My bicycle ride went on and on that morning, kinda like surfing. Riding here and there. When I reached the downtown, the ancient enchanted place where the big trees grew and the water flowed, I pulled up to the Royal Blue and locked off my bike. I know most of the people there. They know me. I razz them. Occasionally they razz me back. I grabbed my ‘Root Bexar’, a local product bottled by Southside Beverages and sat outside at the table along Houston Street watching the cars and the people and the occasional bicyclist.
I cruised by the Ride in Paradise bike shop on South Flores and met Joe Richard the owner, then I went by the Southside Beverages warehouse at 2600 South Flores to meet the kind people who make ‘Root Bexar’ and met one of them. She gave me some free samples for Joe at the Bottom Bracket because he wanted to try it.
On the way home I stopped at Oscar de la Tienda on North Flores and met Alex who suggested the idea of doing live podcasts at his store. He invited me to the next event happening in their spare space.
Outside, construction workers were tearing up the street. Hello, when are you going to be done? I queried. Probably by the end of the month replied one of the workers standing nearby in his fluorescent safety vest next to the barricades. He was forthright and obliging and seemed pleased with the interaction.
I passed a photographer in a small city park with his camera set up on a tripod, apparantly shooting the park benches. I stopped and talked to him. He was a student working on an assignment for his photography class, exploring his craft.
All these people along the way are my community. All these incidents are the contents of my day, the ride from my house to downtown - an epic journey in it’s own way. Excellent little adventures, surprises and coincidences and lovely connections with friendly people.
Anyways I doubt if I will ever figure out what I want to do with my life. It’s always changing. The world is changing and I am changing so the battle never really stops. Don’t know about the enlightened ones but that’s my observation. There’s always turbulence unless I turn within and focus on the one thing that doesn’t win or lose - a simple breath. I still may not know what to do but I feel good about it.
podcast music ::
31:48 Chimay - Go & See
38:00 Climatic - Oblivion
my epic mythic battle