I’m sitting at the Royal Blue Grocery in downtown San Antonio trying to write something. I don’t believe in writer’s block, that usually means I’m just not ready to write yet, but I need to write something for the newsletter. That’s why I’m scribbling in my notebook, trying to generate some momentum, see if I can come up with something.
Nope, nothing yet.
Maybe If I could just can’t see it. There’s always something happening. Until you’re dead. How to see it? Maybe that’s the question. Or how to write about how to see it?
I don’t want to repeat myself; seems like I write about that all the time, how being alive is the happeningest thing. Is it enough to just be alive or do we have to ‘do’ something? That really is a profound question. And what is it we must do if we must do something? Accomplish our goals I guess, whether it’s learning how to walk as a toddler or becoming the CEO of the company as an adult, I guess.
What would be the highest goal then, or the universal goal? To by ‘happy’ of course, elated, at peace, content, complete. There you go. Then you wouldn’t need to write anything. All those notebooks would be empty, there would be fewer trees chopped down for paper. Ha ha. And I would be free to . . . well I’d just be free. Then I’d probably want to write about it.
Every day is a new adventure, new people, new sky, new cars in the road, new moments essentially. What I’m wondering is how much of it I actually experience? I have the feeling that I only perceive the surface.
For example, inside the mind of each person that walks by here on Houston Street is a private world of thoughts which I cannot see. Each of those thoughts has a history and a destiny as if they were an individual person. I can only presume or imagine or maybe try to intuit what they are but I don’t know. I can only know my own thoughts. So there’s that.
My thoughts are all over the map: how cats hear and smell things that we can’t perceive, the Dallas Cowboys and the New York Giants, how most people put their spirituality in a box, tie a bow on it and call it their religion, all my tired old regrets from long ago eras - good grief, Zimbabwe - how it used to be Rhodesia according to the Jeopardy question on TV yesterday, the evil gypsy crackhead who stole my bike for the hundredth time, no he didn’t steal my bike for the hundredth time but I thought about him stealing my bike for the hundredth time, the universe - it’s expanding at an accelerating pace, at least that’s what they say, meanwhile the Hindus believe that the universe is created by the exhalation of Brahma and dissolved by his inhalation, takes billions of years, then there are the days and nights and years of Brahma, lots of univrses, how I saw Saturn last night through a telescope - beautiful, the actual Saturn not just a picture, how I am breathing and creating my own universe essentially. Hey an original thought. Wow. Cool.
There’s that then.
music :: 00-10:20
the notebook